Having sex for the first time can feel pretty nerve-wracking — no way around it. Do you go to their place or yours? What size condoms are you supposed to buy? Should you shave… or just leave things as they are? And then there’s the big question: what position do you even start with?
The good news? You don’t need to try anything wild or gymnastic your first time. Save the standing 69 and Cirque du Soleil moves for later. When you’re new to this, it’s way better to stick with positions that are simple and comfortable, so you can focus on what actually matters — talking to each other and figuring out what feels good.
Here’s what to keep in mind before your first time, plus a few easy, beginner-friendly positions to get things started.
What to Know Before You Have Sex for the First Time
Before we get into the best beginner-friendly sex positions, there are a few things everyone should understand going in.
First off: good sex actually starts before you ever have sex. One of the best ways to figure out what you like is by exploring on your own. Masturbation is honestly the easiest way to learn how your body responds — what feels good, what doesn’t, what kind of touch you prefer. Don’t feel weird about it.
When you do decide to have sex for the first time, take your time. There’s zero reason to rush into anything you’re not ready for. Slow down. Pay attention to how your body feels and how your partner responds. Sex isn’t just about racing toward the finish line — it’s about enjoying the whole experience.
Speaking of the “finish line”: try not to put so much pressure on having an orgasm. TV and porn can make it seem like orgasms are the ultimate goal, but they’re not the only thing that makes sex good. If you turn sex into a performance where you’re trying to “get it right,” it stops being fun. Engle points out that when we treat sex like something we have to accomplish perfectly, everyone ends up stressed instead of relaxed.
Don’t get it twisted — orgasms are great when they happen. But they’re not the only measure of good sex. Focus on what feels good instead of worrying about how you’re doing. Sex therapist Ian Kerner calls it “spectatoring” when you’re stuck in your head, wondering if you’re performing well. When that happens, you’re not fully present. Instead, stay engaged, be curious, and pay attention to your partner.
Also, penetration isn’t everything. For example, only about 1 in 5 cisgender women orgasm from vaginal penetration alone. So it’s important to explore other kinds of touch. Make out. Use your hands. Kiss their neck if they like that. If your partner has a clitoris, give it attention. Sex is way more than just one act.
And one last tip: don’t skip the lube. Seriously.
The 8 Best Sex Positions for Beginners
“Easy” doesn’t mean boring. There are plenty of simple, comfortable positions that feel great and help you both relax — especially your first time. Up next, experts share their favorite beginner-friendly positions that keep things fun without overcomplicating it.
Missionary Position
It might get a bad rap for being boring, but it's one of the easiest positions for beginners to pull off successfully: you're more or less both lying down. "Missionary is the best go-to sex position for anyone who is new to penetrative sex," Being face-to-face allows for easy communication, which is crucial for ensuring that both parties are enjoying themselves. Plus: it's intimate!
How to Do It: The bottom (receiving partner) lies on their back. The top (inserting partner) lies on top and enters them.
Spooning Position
Spooning is another comfortable position to try for your first go-round, Kerner says. Since you’re both laying down on your sides, no one has to worry about holding themselves up or balancing; you can just focus on the pleasure.
This position is also incredibly intimate, as it allows you to hold (or be held by) your partner. Plus, there's easy reach-around access for external stimulation.
How to Do It: Both partners lie on their sides, facing the same direction. The inserting partner penetrates the receiving partner from behind.
Lotus Position
If romance and intimacy are important to you as a beginner, then the lotus is the sex position for you. It gets you up-close-and-personal with your partner, allowing you to make out, kiss each other's necks, or gaze into each other's eyes. It’s also easy on the body, since you're both sitting down.
How to Do It: The inserting partner sits down with their legs crossed. The receiving partner then lowers themselves onto their partner’s lap, beginning penetration. Once you're both comfy, the receiving partner can wrap their legs behind the penetrating partner. This position isn't as much about thrusting as it is about rocking and grinding into each other.
Facing Spoons Position
Think of it just like the spooning position, but you're facing each other instead. It's a great position for eye contact and [it's] easy on the body, so it makes for good long, comfortable sex.
How to Do It: Both partners lie on their sides, facing each other. The receiving partner can lift their leg over the inserting partner to begin penetration.
Cowgirl Position
If the receiving partner is worried about getting too deep too fast, the cowgirl position provides the person on top the most control over their pleasure. It also provides great access for clitoral stimulation.
How to Do It: The penetrating partner lies on their back. The receiving partner straddles them, inserting as they sit down on them. The receiving partner's knees and shins are pressed to the bed.
The penetrating partner can hold the "rider's" hands during cowgirl if they feel like they need some extra support. And if the rider needs a break, the penetrating partner can plant their heels and thrust upward into them while they stay still.
The Mountain Climber
Think missionary, but the person on top props up onto their hands. It might take a bit more shoulder strength, but the heights gives you a little more room to play with the angle of penetration.
How to Do It: The receiving partner lies on their back. The inserting partner lies on top, propped up on their hands, and enters them.
Stand and Deliver
If the inserting partner is struggling to find the leverage to move their hips the way they want, it might be helpful for them to stand. You might need a tall bed or a countertop to make this one happen, but once you have that, the rest is easy.
How to Do It: In this missionary variation, the inserting partner is standing next to the bed to penetrate their partner. Note that there are variations of the Stand and Deliver, and the person being penetrated can choose to put either zero, one, or both of their feet atop the insertive partner’s shoulders.
Over-the-Shoulder Position
Missionary is great, but there are ways to spice it up that are just as easy as the original position itself. The over-the-shoulder position helps provide a little more visual stimulation while allowing the same level of access.
How to Do It: The receiving partner lies on their back and places one leg (or two) over the inserting partner's shoulder(s). Once the receiving partner's legs are in place, the penetrating partner can enter them and start thrusting.
Intercourse can be a very boring part of sex. What really matters is foreplay and that spark between you two.
If you’re new to sex, you can also explore each other’s bodies a bit with some small toys first — things like dildos, cock rings, or masturbators — just to get comfortable and see what feels good.
Take it slow, enjoy the process, and keep talking! When something feels good, let your partner know. If something hurts or is uncomfortable, speak up. This is the perfect time to get to know each other’s bodies.
Sex should be fun, exciting, and a little adventurous — yeah, sometimes it might feel awkward — but it should always be enjoyable.
Already a pro and ready to mix things up? Check out these more adventurous sex positions to take things to the next level!
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