How to Give a Mind-Blowing BJ: Secret Skills from a Sex Therapist

A great blowjob: often seen as a cornerstone of a steamy, satisfying sex life. Much like the hand job, this classic move can take a quickie to learn and many sex sessions to master. But for the keen students out there, you can step up your fellatio skills in no time with our top oral sex tips. You (and your lover) are very welcome.

Whether it’s your first time or if you’re already clued up on how to give good head, we’ve packed in plenty of ways to up your game. Think: tongue techniques, positions, temperature play, and toys…. Let’s get into it.

Only Got Time for a Quickie?

Want to perfect your Blowjob skills but don’t have time for the full guide? Here’s what you need to know in a nutshell:

• Ask your partner what they enjoy most. Talking about what feels good (or doesn't) will give you a little intimacy boost as well as ideas for what to try.

• Build anticipation first. Kissing, stroking and teasing before you go down helps heighten arousal and make the experience even more enjoyable.

• Use your mouth, hands, and tongue together. Vary your technique and pay attention to sensitive spots like the head, frenulum and testicles.

• Experiment with extras. You can pair oral with sex toys, flavoured lube, or even temperature play to keep things exciting.

• Enthusiasm is sexy. Your partner will enjoy receiving oral so much more if you're enjoying giving it – so don't do anything you don't want to do.

Show Your Enthusiasm & Build Anticipation

Experts (and anyone with a penis) confirm that enthusiasm goes a long way! Before you get your mouth involved, try kissing them as you stroke their neck, chest and inner thighs, or start massaging their member over their underwear.

Remember, attitude is your ultimate superpower here. For many men, their penis is closely tied to their confidence and sense of power. An indifferent, distracted, or half-hearted blowjob can breed doubt, while head given with obvious appreciation and excitement changes the entire game. Approach it with the mindset of a student eager to please—or better yet, give him head like you are trying to save his soul.

When he sees that you are genuinely turned on by pleasuring him, it makes all the difference in the world. It’s the difference between a frozen grocery store apple pie and a warm, homemade one served with a side of ice cream. Slurp, slobber, or moan as you’re giving head—seeing your lack of inhibitions is a massive turn-on.

Choose a Position with a View

Men can be visual creatures, so don't be shy to put on a show while you get stuck in. Try opting for a sex position that celebrates your curves. For example: if your lover’s standing and you kneel in front of them, they’ll have a great top-down view of your body and all the action.

If standing isn't an option, have them sit on the edge of the bed or in a chair while you kneel in front of them. It's more relaxing than standing the whole time, but keeps your face in view so they can get a glimpse of your mouth, tongue, and expressions.

Pay Attention to Every Sensitive Spot

Sliding your lips up and down the shaft might be the main event, but there are so many other erogenous zones to focus on. When you’re ready to focus on the anatomy, always start with the head—it’s just as sensitive as a woman's clitoris.

Just under the head, there’s a little divot (the frenulum) that deserves special attention. Try flattening your tongue and licking gently and rhythmically against this underside. If he's lying on his back, you can even press his cock up against his belly with your mouth and lick up the underside. Take a moment to tell him in a sexy voice how delicious he tastes and how much you've been aching to feel him.

While your mouth is busy at the top, don't let your hands stay idle. It makes it so much better when both hands are working in unison on the shaft. Position one hand above the other and use a synchronized twisting motion—almost like you're trying to open a stubborn soda bottle. Just make sure you use plenty of lube or spit so it feels amazing and slippery!

Master Your Tongue, Teeth, & Saliva

Your tongue can do SO much more than your hands – so make sure you make the most of this slippery-smooth asset. Try using your tongue and lips to create a sensation similar to penetrative sex: softly purse your lips with your tongue pushed out between them to create a tight, welcoming shape.

And when we say "wetter is better," we mean it: don't be afraid to drool a LOT. Making slurpy, sloppy sounds is incredibly validating and hot for him to hear. Grab a flavoured lube to turn his penis into a lickable treat, and keep a glass of water nearby to avoid the dreaded dry mouth.

If you’ve got a small mouth, you can pull your lips over your teeth to avoid accidental scrapes. That said, many people worry way too much about their teeth. While you don't want to aggressively scrape the shaft, a little accidental contact isn't a disaster.

When you do decide to take more of his cock into your mouth, make it as wet as possible and position yourself so the head hits the very back of your soft palate. Many men absolutely love the sensation of the head gently bouncing off the back of your throat or the roof of your mouth. To make this easier on yourself and protect against your teeth, hold him firmly right at the base of the penis; this anchors him at the exact angle you want.

Take a Strategic Break (The Power of Edging)

If you start to get jaw ache or your neck gets tired, don't force it. Give yourself a rest and bring the intensity down a notch. Switch to slowly kissing his inner thighs and stomach while your hands take over the work for a while.

In fact, stopping and starting actually mimics the "edging" effect used to build a woman up to orgasm. Constant, full-throttle, one-speed friction can cause a man to lose a bit of the sensation. Pausing to focus on his balls or lightly running your tongue around the shaft before working your way back makes the experience a multi-faceted journey—and makes the eventual climax twice as intense.

Try temperature play

Stimulate your lover’s nerve endings in a whole new way by creating cooling and warming sensations. You can try this without any gear: after getting your partner’s penis good and wet with spit, gently blow on the head to create a cooling sensation. Or use an ice cube to cool your mouth and lips before you go down.

Tried and tested? If you lover is a big fan of temperature play, invest in toys to experiment further. Glass holds temperatures well, so you can place a glass dildo or butt plug in the fridge or a bowl of warm water before incorporating anal play into your BJ.

Otherwise, tingling and warming lubes are another way to boost your partner’s sensitivity to touch. Try stroking their balls with your choice of these lubes while your mouth works on their penis.

Ask about butt play

There's lots of fun you can have here, if both you and your partner are excited to try anal play (enthusiastic consent is essential, always!). Once you've got the green light, slather your finger in anal lube and try gently slipping it into your partner’s anus.

And if you're new to this, no stress; our resident sexpert has tips. “Ease your finger up in a ‘come hither’ motion until you can feel their prostate: a firm, curved area inside their anus, on the stomach side of their body," say Annabelle. "Gently rubbing this hot spot while you’re stroking and sucking their penis can feel incredible; go slowly though, because pushing too hard on this super-sensitive area can feel very intense.”

Need a hand finding the P-spot? Prostate massagers are shaped specifically to target them. Just remember to add a generous drizzle of anal lube.

If you want to give your partner the blow-job experience but aren’t that keen on sucking dick for any reason, you can alternate between using your mouth and a male masturbator or Fleshlight.

These toys are essentially tubes with soft, textured linings: perfect for beginners.

How to Read His Reactions & Ask Questions

The first step to giving a truly unforgettable blowjob is communicating. However, a lot of guys won’t tell you if your technique needs adjusting because they don’t want to offend you (and they definitely don’t want you to stop!). So, simply ask him mid-act if what you're doing feels good, or ask if there's anything specific he wants you to do.

You can also read his body language. While the classic advice is to "hold eye contact," some guys actually cringe or get self-conscious under a direct stare. Look up at him and gauge his reaction: Is he staring back with a turned-on, slightly dazed expression? Perfect. Or is he looking away, keeping his eyes closed tight, or losing his erection? If it's the latter, it's your cue to switch up the rhythm or ditch the intense eye contact.

What to Do at the Finish Line

The best blowjobs are the ones that are fun and comfortable for everyone involved. When it comes to the grand finale, remember that you have options:

• You don’t have to swallow: If swallowing semen isn't your thing, keep a towel or tissue nearby so you can spit it out. You can also choose to finish him off with your hands, or ask him to come on your breasts or stomach instead.

• You don’t have to deep-throat: If you have a strong gag reflex, combining a male stroker toy with lip and tongue action can create the perfect illusion of depth without the discomfort.

• The Post-Cum Pro-Tip: If he does end up ejaculating in your mouth, try to just keep going. You’ll need to transition to being incredibly soft and gentle, but keep your mouth moving. Because the area is hyper-sensitive right after climax, continuing with super-light, wet movements can sometimes trigger a rare and mind-blowing second orgasm right on the spot.